Resume for Gunnery Officer position

TO: CAPTAIN XO

FROM: HR

Sir, see below for a resume for the Gunnery Officer opening.  Looks like our recruiting campaign is working!  I like his moxie.  He TELLS us what position he is going to take.

Let us know and we'll arrange an interview time.

RESUME BEGINS:

I’m your gunnery officer, responsible for the training of crews, maintaining the weapons, and employment in raids. Yes I’m being uppity and assuming, but I’m also willing to fight for it using my collection of nerf guns and replica lightsabers in order to avoid permanently damaging any other uppity crew members.

Qualifications are based on past experience as a TOW Missile gunner, Counter-battery Officer, Fire Direction Officer, Air Cavalry Fire Support Officer, and Firing Battery Commander.

Additional experiences are directly related to playing too many RPGs, Avalon Hill board games, and various computer games of the strategy, simulation, and FPS variety. 

I also respect the use of the Oxford comma and endeavor to use it appropriately.

Additional Duty request: Designated Sober Person. Every crew needs one in order to prevent “good ideas” like indoor fireworks, watching the Airship drift on its own with no one on board, rides from grapple guns, and charging personal electronics by Tesla Cannon. Planning to use my share of any alcoholic related stipend as an award, bribe, or cleaning solvent, whichever is most appropriate based on what is recovered during raids.

Subject to your questions.